If you’ve read the previous posts, you know I hadn’t planned on getting a puppy this soon and I was also questioning my sanity due to the workload puppies bring with them. But people in my life said Ryder showed up for a reason.
After Easter both my husband and I came down with the flu, courtesy of my son. And in the middle of that, I got a phone call. My brother had been taken to the hospital with 106 degree fever and abdominal pain. He was diagnosed as having not one but two types of cancer. One of which is terminal.
I can’t even begin to explain the Shock and the Anger and the Pain. Up till now he was a healthy active person. He had no warning. He’s only 52. This should not be happening.
I am a take charge, go after it, fix it, kind of person. But I can’t fix this. I can’t get rid of it. I can’t make it better. And I can’t protect my kids from this or make it better for them either. And as a mother, that’s just as bad as the cancer. I’ve been crying, I’m not sleeping well, and it’s such a struggle to do everyday things. But you know what? Puppies just keep on keepin’ on. They don’t know your life is falling apart. They just keep eating and sleeping and peeing and pooping and growing. Bundles of endless energy, enthusiasm, and happiness.
Irrationally there have been times I’ve wanted to yell at him for being happy all the time. I haven’t. I couldn’t. He doesn’t know any better. But with doom all around it’s hard to deal with chronic happiness dancing at your feet. But he doesn’t care. He’s a puppy who’s loving life and he insists with pig-headed stubbornness that I get up and live life as well. Or else.
My friend that has Ryder’s brother gave me a hug the other day and said, “See, you need this dog. You need the love.” And Ryder did actually manage to make me laugh out loud yesterday. Logically, I know it’s okay to be happy, but at the same time it also makes me feel bad. My brother is dying. Logically I know life goes on. But my brother is DYING. I’m sooo sad and sooo ANGRY.
But regardless of what I feel or what’s going on, whether I like it or not, whether I want to or not, there is this little Terror on four legs that is going to persistently drag me through every day. Maybe I really do need this furry bundle of endless energy, enthusiasm, and happiness.