Happy Birthday to Spider Bait

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPIDER BAIT!

You bring light and joy into our lives.  We love you heart and soul.

Hugs n Smooches, Your family.

My baby boy turned 18 today.  (Sniffle)  I don’t have a montage of pictures to show you like I did with Saver.  Spider Bait doesn’t want his face all over the blog.  And a life’s history would take too long and probably get me in trouble (“You told them WHAT?”).  But I figure I can get away with a few ‘baby’ stories that have been told ‘ad nauseum’.

  • We were at my BFF’s house in the big city waiting to see if my contractions would reach critical before driving all the way back home.  I didn’t want to get home and then turn around and come back.  When I go into labor, I go from zero to NOW in a hurry.  The contractions said NOW and my BFF said she knew a short cut to the Birthing Center.  So she got us lost.  We made it in plenty of time, but she will never ever hear the end of this one.
  • Spider Bait’s name was supposed to be Jenna Adair.  Yep, he was supposed to be a she.  I have video to prove it.  But when the Midwife went to wipe ‘her’ off, she made a funny noise and then said, “It’s a boy!”  Within seconds everyone in the birthing room was standing over my half nakedness staring at Spider Bait’s particulars.
  • Now this was a special kind of gift.  See, I didn’t know until I found out I was going to have a girl that I actually did have a preference.  And was shocked that I did.  I wanted a boy.  And since there would be no ‘favorite child’ in MY house, I made sure to say ‘her’ or ‘she’ whenever I talked about the baby.  Unfortunately, this was a habit that was hard to break.  I kept calling Spider Bait ‘her’ or ‘she’ for several months after he was born.  He swears that it has scarred him for life.
  • Did you know he could climb pretty much anything?  As soon as he learned to crawl he became a monkey as well.  That meant the end of using a crib or playpen to contain him while I did silly things like take a shower or clean with nasty chemicals.
  • Like his sister, Spider Bait didn’t like to waste a lot of time sleeping.  So he slept from 10-11 pm to 6-7 am with one one hour nap from 11-12 noon.  And at 15 months he gave up the nap.
  • Also at 15 months he figured out that if he used the tips of his pinky fingers and the tips of his thumbs, hands spread, he could pop the safety guard off the VCR.  From that time on, it was no holds barred on what he would take apart.
  • When we moved into this house we discovered that the dead bolt on the door was also keyed on the inside.  Now who in the hell would use that?  If there was a fire, you had to find a key to get yourself out?  Not likely.  We never used it when we were home.  Then Spider Bait came along.  If there was a way out of the house, he would find it.   I started locking the door from the inside to keep him in.  The basement door was tricky.  The longest item used on the door (no we didn’t put a dead bolt on it) was a spinning door knob thingy that had 2 rubbery spots on the inside that you squeezed to grab the doorknob.  It lasted 4 days.
  • My son saw me yank on the refrigerator door one day.  Eureka!  So THAT’S how you opened it!  And open it he did.  Every single day for I don’t know how long he opened the door and climbed into the fridge and shut the door so he could watch the light go out.  Usually while I was in the shower.  I would take deep breaths and remind myself that he wouldn’t run out of air and suffocate in the 15 minutes it would take me to shower.  No punishment would stop this.  Now imagine me the first time it happened calling from the bathroom when I turned the water off to see what he was doing and getting no answer.  Then me running naked and dripping wet through the house hyperventilating because I couldn’t find him and threatening him for refusing to answer me.  And the near panic when I heard a thump in the fridge.  And there he sat, grinning from ear to ear, thrilled as can be.  You know why kids are cute?  So we don’t kill them for scaring us half to death.
  • Did you know my son smacked himself right between the eyes with the clawed end of a hammer?  At 4 years old my son insisted on ‘helping’ me pound nails in on a project.  My kids have never been much on ‘play’ items.  They have always wanted the ‘real’ things and shunned the others.  And keeping them away from or forbidding them real things meant war.  So I gave him a small hammer and strict instructions.  However, my son has an independent streak a mile wide (no idea where he got that from).  He insisted he was perfectly safe holding the hammer in front of him and his face instead of off to the side.  I told him I didn’t want to hear it if he hit himself in the head.  Which, of course, he did; about 2 seconds after another lecture on use.  He sucked in his breath chin quivering and then tipped his head up so the tears wouldn’t fall and stared right at me without a sound.  I just shook my head at him.

I could go on for hours, but this gives you a good picture of life with my son; never slow, never dull, challenging to say the least.  And he’s funny and quirky and good to talk to and is awesome with kids.  I can’t wait to see him as a father.  Okay, that was a lie.  He’s only 18.  I can wait.

Happy Birthday to my surprise boy child! 

We love you thiiisss much!

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One response to “Happy Birthday to Spider Bait

  1. I can’t believe Spider Bait is 18 already. (Yes, I know his birthday was several days ago, but I was busy and just texted him.) Happy Birthday Spider Bait. I really miss you. Hope your days aren’t too busy and that you’re enjoying what you’re doing. LOVE YOU!!!

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